3 Listening Strategies You’ll Learn in Therapy: Part 3 of 4 – Be Curious
Skill #2 – Be Curious
Being curious is a skill that helps you step into another person’s shoes and see things from their point of view. I try to set aside my own feelings and perspective so I can understand where the other person is coming from. Asking questions is the main way to practice this skill because it helps me learn about their thoughts and emotions without judgment.
Sometimes we get stuck in our own perspective and feel strongly that we are right. Curiosity allows me to pause and consider why my partner might see a situation differently. I do not have to agree with them, but I try to understand how their experiences and feelings shape their perspective. This makes conversations more productive and helps both people feel heard.
Curiosity also means noticing the emotions behind the words. Many arguments happen because people are focused on proving their point rather than understanding each other’s feelings. I remind myself that their perspective is valid even if it does not match mine. Being curious about how they feel instead of focusing on facts helps them feel understood, which can open the door for them to listen to me in return.
Dislodge from Your Own Perspective
In difficult conversations, it’s easy to cling to what I think is correct. I have learned that shifting my view temporarily helps me see the other person’s reality. For example, a situation may seem simple to me, but it might carry different meaning or emotions for my partner. By putting my own perspective aside, I can truly try to understand how they feel and why they see things the way they do.
This skill does not require me to admit I am wrong or that they are right. It is about creating space for understanding and empathy. Seeing the situation from their perspective often helps find solutions or compromises that feel fair to both of us.
Practice
Practicing curiosity is easier with small exercises. I ask questions like, “What do you mean by that?” or “How does this make you feel?” Even a simple question about preferences, like “What is the worst food?” can help me explore how they think and feel. I pay attention to details like taste, texture, or memories tied to the food. These questions help me understand their perspective more fully.
The answers also prepare me for the next step, which is reflecting back what I heard. By listening carefully and asking questions, I confirm that I understand their feelings and reasoning. This practice strengthens communication and helps avoid misunderstandings.
Tips for Being Curious
I keep a few guidelines in mind while practicing curiosity: ask questions to understand their perspective, focus on their feelings without trying to change them, think about what might shape their view, avoid assumptions, and let them explain fully. For example, I may ask, “Are you feeling overwhelmed?” or “Can you tell me more about what is causing that feeling?” These questions encourage honest discussion and deeper understanding.
Curiosity is a skill that takes practice and patience. I remind myself to be gentle and accept that I won’t always get it right at first. Practicing regularly helps me improve and strengthens my relationships over time.
Support and Guidance
Learning curiosity with a partner can be challenging. Working with a professional can make the process easier and help both of us practice effectively. Therapy provides guidance on applying these skills, understanding the concepts behind them, and building communication patterns that last. Regular practice and support can improve relationships and make future conversations smoother and more meaningful.
