7 Silent Killers That Can Lead To Divorce In Relationships

Silent Killers That Can Lead To Divorce

Little things can build up and cause a relationship to decline. People get divorced for many reasons, but often it is these small, silent issues that add up.

According to experts, most divorced couples share a few common silent relationship killers. Dr. John Gottman said couples are likely to fail if they have stonewalling, sarcasm, contempt, or criticism. He called these the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.” Contempt is the number one predictor of divorce.

While the other three are problematic, contempt is the most damaging. It makes you see your spouse through a negative lens. It ruins the desire to work on the relationship. Even positive gestures can be twisted into negatives.

Unlike cheating, these killers are hard to spot. You need to know about them before it is too late. Here are seven silent relationship killers that often lead to divorce.

1. Conflict Avoidance

Most people try to avoid conflict because it feels uncomfortable. But avoiding conflict prevents you from addressing problems.

When you do not address conflicts, you let negativity grow. The key is to learn how to handle conflict the right way. Not learning these skills is a sure way to silently kill your relationship.

2. Invalidating Emotions

This can happen without you even realizing it. For example, if your partner says they are cold and you say, “It’s not that cold,” it seems harmless.

But these little remarks add up. You may not mean to be offensive, but if your partner feels invalidated, it becomes a problem.

When a person feels invalidated, they feel disconnected and unheard. These feelings combined will deteriorate a relationship quickly.

3. Unresolved Trauma

Everyone enters a relationship with some baggage. But not dealing with past trauma can hurt your relationship without you knowing.

When someone has unresolved trauma, they often respond to triggers related to that trauma. For instance, if you were cheated on before, your partner traveling for work might make you anxious and insecure.

Instead of letting your partner be, you might constantly check on them. Dealing with past trauma is hard alone. Therapy can be very helpful in these cases.

4. Resentment

Unhealed resentments in a relationship can be a death knell for a breakup. Resentment can show in many ways.

Your partner might keep bringing up the past. They might be passive-aggressive, sarcastic, or snarky about certain topics.

When there is resentment, it usually means there is not enough open and honest communication. For a marriage to last, communication is absolutely essential.

5. White Lies About Money

Divorces are caused by financial issues more than anything else. Many couples keep their finances separate, which does not bring them closer.

If one person spends a lot and the other saves, you will have fights. When one person hides their finances and the other finds out, it causes major trust issues.

For a marriage to work, being on the same page financially from the beginning helps you avoid seeing a divorce attorney later.

6. Stonewalling

Stonewalling is another one of the “Four Horsemen.” It happens when a person withdraws or shuts down during a conversation or argument.

They emotionally or mentally close themselves off from their partner because they feel overwhelmed or agitated. You cannot solve problems when one person stops making any effort to talk.

7. Change

Ideally, you and your partner grow together over time. But that is not always what happens. Some people change and realize they have outgrown their partner or the relationship.

This is common with older, retired couples. When they were working, their differences were harder to see. Without work as a distraction, it becomes clear they do not have as much in common. They may have changed their opinions on how they want to live.

Change is inevitable. If both partners are not changing and moving in the same direction, the relationship will not work.

It is important to pay attention to these silent killers. They start very subtly. You might not realize they are causing harm until you only have negative feelings left for your partner. Being aware of these subtle things can help you avoid divorce.